Is Dating in NYC as Hard as They Say? My Experience + Tips

When I downloaded the apps in NYC, I fully expected a shit show. Everyone had told me how awful it was, sharing stories of getting ghosted, disliking all the profiles they got, people being unable to commit, and so on.

I had a pleasantly surprising experience, and found a partner within a month of downloading the apps. Here’s what I experienced and what ended up working for me.

Why is dating in NYC so hard?

1. There are so many people

You would think that NYC dating would be easier, given that it’s such a big city with such a large dating pool. That is, in fact, what actually makes it harder. Because there are so many people, you’re just a number to some of your dates. Many people don’t want to commit and just want to keep exploring the field.

Since most people are also going on dates with multiple people, you also have trouble knowing where you stand, and should be ready for anyone to disappear at any moment.

One of the weirdest dating experiences I had was getting abruptly cut off after three lovely dates with a guy. On our last date, he took me to a fancy veggie restaurant, insisted on paying the $200 bill since it was almost my birthday, took me to a comedy show, and then made out with me on a park bench. The next day, he told me that it wasn’t “the right connection” for him and that was it.

He certainly didn’t owe me anything, but it felt weirdly impersonal and almost emotionally violent to have a connection just cut off like that. I wouldn’t have minded being friends, but no one also has time for befriending failed dating app folks in such a busy city.

So, while you’ll be able to meet more people in NYC, it also means that everyone else is meeting a lot of people, and it’s easy to feel “replaceable”.

2. It’s hard to gain momentum

Life in the city is hard, and people don’t have a lot of time for dates or texting. Besides that, getting from one borough to another can feel like a long-distance relationship since it can take 1-2 hours.

I personally dedicated a lot of time to dating and went on multiple dates a week. I think my record was five dates. But that was honestly like a part-time job.

I also found that I would be interested in certain people, but they would take a day or two to text back, and then a few weeks would pass between dates because both of us were traveling. This makes it really difficult to build any meaningful connection.

So how did I find a partner?

I primarily used the apps Hinge and Breeze to meet people. As soon as I redownloaded Hinge, I had a date scheduled within hours. But, I also definitely experienced “slower” periods where I wasn’t seeing much activity.

I also noticed that a lot of people would start chatting with you, and it would just go stale and you would never meet up. That’s why I ended up downloading Breeze, as it was designed to set you up on a date as soon as you match; in fact, you can’t even chat until 2 hours before the date. I’d gotten a bunch of Instagram ads for it and figured I’d just give it a try.

I ended up meeting 3 guys on Hinge and 2 on Breeze. One Hinge guy wasn’t feeling it (as I already told the story), I had incompatibilities with another, the third one and I never gained any momentum, and one Breeze guy and I mutually ghosted each other after 2 dates.

For the other Breeze guy, we had a fine first date at a bar and talked for a few hours. We then exchanged numbers and I actually was a bit weirded out by how he was texting me every day afterwards haha. We met up a second time for a photo walk, and I was having trouble connecting with him too. But on our third date, we both seemed to get more comfortable and started spending more and more time together.

By that point, we’d also stopped seeing other people somewhat naturally, so it was easy to focus on getting to know each other. We’d both met other people since meeting each other, but they didn’t work out.

It’s been five months since we met, and we’ve met each other’s families, traveled internationally together, and now live together (since I travel a lot and didn’t have my own apartment, it made sense).

My advice for making NYC dating more bearable (and successful)

1. Go on lots of dates and meet lots of people

Since NYC dating can make you feel disposable, the way to get around it is to meet lots of people. That way, if someone discards you, you can move on more easily.

Also, since people are so busy, you can get to know a few people at a time and see who is truly setting aside the time to meet you (rather than waiting a week or more between dates with one person).

2. Try niche dating apps or singles events

I ultimately found my partner on a unconventional dating app. In NYC, there are apps for literally everything. I’ve seen apps for finding vegetarian/vegan partners, “elite” partners (lol), specific religion partners, and more.

Since it’s such a big city, there are also tons of singles events. I did go to one but ultimately didn’t meet anyone I continued chatting with afterwards. But, it was cool that it was still possible to meet people in-person in NYC.

3. Take your time

It’s really easy to want to write people off if you have the slightest hesitation. After all, there are so many “options” in NYC.

That said, I would not be in a happy relationship now if I hadn’t taken the time to get to know my partner. My personal rule of thumb was to give it at least 2 dates if there were no inherent incompatibilities, and give it one more of the person was consistent and the dates were fun.

After 3 dates, it makes sense to move on if there’s still no connection, or to actively decide to keep seeing each other.

Would love to hear about your experiences in the comments, and let me know if you have any questions!